Fuck yeah, melancholy...

I have a hard time quite delineating my affection for JR’s writing. I don’t want to oversell it, but I don’t want to damn it with faint praise either. So while a comparison with Quentin Tarantino would be too high-rent, although JR does glorify in the enjoyment of exploitation tropes while deconstructing them. And comparing him to Ed Wood would be far too cruel, as his works aren’t ‘so bad they’re good,’ they’re good at depicting types of stories that are usually not well-told. I’d instead compare him to someone like Takeshi Miike or Alex Cox. The prose and the literature of it all are done well, even here despite this being an early work and written in a second language, but the chief appeal is that something is being written that would almost be categorized as crackfic if it weren’t being presented so earnestly.

As a femslasher, perhaps I’m partial to crack pairings that are written in complete seriousness. Anyone can write Sherlock Holmes/Emma Swan as a gag, that’s just more of the irony our society is chockful of, but for someone to legitimately believe that Sherlock Holmes and Emma Swan would get along like gangbusters were an 18th-century British detective and an American fairy tale princess/bounty hunter ever to meet—that interests me. In a world where pairings tend to go hoyay, then official hetships, then maybe f/f pairings if there’s time and if two women ever get any screentime together, I feel some solidarity for anyone with a legit rare pair.

But that doesn’t tell you much about the story. It’s a retelling of Diana’s meeting with Superman in the early pages of her reboot, back in post-Crisis, where she and Clark canonically dated for a while before deciding it wouldn’t work out. So don’t be too intimidated by Diana/Clark among the pairings. The story also incorporates some business with Apokolips and the New Gods that touches on the popular porny trope of Darkseid (or some other grand villain) brainwashing/mind-controlling a busty heroine into having sex, which it then turns around and deconstructs. I’m not saying I agree with all of the presentation of this or the conclusions reached, but it interests me that a fanfic geared pretty much to getting off on descriptions of Wonder Woman having sex is having a discussion and asking to be engaged with as a text. Superman and Scott Free also get some of the same treatment (though not very graphically), and the fic is interested in the implications of a trope that usually only women are subjected to. 

I also like the tone, which takes canonical events and recasts them as taking place in a sex comedy. The characters sorta realize how ridiculous it is that they keep having wild sex at the drop of a hat, and though the keeps its silliness in check, given the subject matter, latter works are more parodic. I wholeheartedly ripped-off this approach for The Savage Land Imbroglio, and you can catch echoes of it in my other works. So, check this one out, mind the warnings, and forgive the occasional clumsy prose; he writes a lot better in English than I would in Español.

Spoiler: The ending to Batman Vs. Superman

Bruce: Listen, Kal, I don’t like you and you don’t like me—

Clark: I like you.

Bruce:  …well, this is awkward. Anyway, there’s a new threat now. And whatever our differences—

Clark: I said I liked you.

Bruce: The important thing is: We’re drift-compatible.

Can you name one way Batman Vs. Superman wouldn’t be improved if Wishbone were playing Batman? I’m just saying, Jesse Eisenberg isn’t intimidating to most people, but Wishbone is a pretty small dog. Eisenberg could do some damage to that little guy.

One way to tell you’re a 90s Kid

DC Comics doesn’t know you exist.

“We’re seconds from death,” Diana said, using her animal telepathy to communicate with what were now animals to her. “Clark, anything you’d like to say?”

“At least we had a few laughs.”

“I see.” Diana spoke for the room. “Bruce, how about you?”

“I memorized my own little St. Crispin’ s Day speech the first time I was seriously injured. Can’t remember a word of it now, though.”

“I meant something more… personal.”

“…I’ll always regret not killing the Joker.”

“No! Something romantic!”

Bruce thought again. “I don’t have those feelings for you, Diana.”

“No!” Diana barked, literally. “Clark, Bruce has been in love with you since the day you met.”

“Diana!”

“Is this true?” Clark demanded, suddenly feeling very much not numb. His cheeks were on fire.

“Now’s not a good time,” Bruce gritted out.

“Do you really think there’s going to be a better time?”

“I hope not, now that you said that!”

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Clark asked innocently.


“I’m here, aren’t I?” Batman began disrobing with curt efficiency, stacking all his armor in discrete piles for ease and speed of dressing later. “We have ten minutes. After that, Bruce Wayne is expected to make an international phone call to the Tokyo office, then I have a case involving anthropomorphic cockroaches robbing convenience stores.”

Superman sat up, if it could be called that while floating. “Anthropomorphic cockroaches?”

Batman nodded. “It’s a very tough case. You’re still wearing clothes.”

“Sorry,” Clark said, and took off his cape.

Exciting Batman Vs. Superman rumors!

Wonder Woman is not an Amazon, but a woman from a ‘lost colony’ of Kryptonians established on Earth.

There is no Green Lantern Corps. The Green Lantern rings were created on Krypton; sentient, they continue to seek out Green Lanterns in the absence of their homeworld. The ‘Guardians of Oa’ are Kryptonian AIs like Jor-El.

The Flash no longer taps into the Speed Force. Instead, his father was a Kryptonian. As a half-breed, the only power Barry Allen has inherited is superspeed.

Hawkman is still an alien cop, but not a Thanagarian. Instead, he is a Kryptonian who happens to wear wings as a fashion statement.

Sgt. Rock is still a WW2 soldier. However, WW2 was started when Hitler picked up radio signals from General Zod, inspiring him to invade Poland.

Vixen can still assume the powers of various animals, but now it is because she is a Kryptonian and black female Kryptonians can do that.

Aquaman? Due to a typo, Krypton set up two colonies on Earth. One of them was underwater and thought the entire planet was ocean.

Black Canary is just a woman who knows martial arts. But she’s dating a Kryptonian.

Batman’s parents were not killed by Joe Chill, but when Kal-El’s ship crashed on them. 

BatSanta.
He sees you when you’re sleeping
He knows when you’re awake
He knows if you’ve been bad or good
So SWEAR TO ME!!!

BatSanta.

He sees you when you’re sleeping

He knows when you’re awake

He knows if you’ve been bad or good

So SWEAR TO ME!!!

I can’t believe Amy Adams is against a Superman/Wonder Woman/Lois Lane love triangle in the MoS sequel

I’m just saying… Adams’ Lois Lane is a very attractive, charming, successful young woman. Why wouldn’t Wonder Woman be interested in her? And yeah, I know she’s “Superman’s Girlfriend Lois Lane,” but it’s not like he owns her. All’s fair in love and war, Kal-El, and if you don’t want an Amazon stealing yo girl, you better have a ring on it.

People say Batman Vs. Superman will be too crowded with four superheroes in it.

I don’t think they’ve properly read the title.

Minute 1: Batman and Superman get into a fight. Superman punches Batman into the Sun.

Minutes 2-120: Superman, Wonder Woman, and Nightwing fight crime.