Fuck yeah, melancholy...
Exciting Batman Vs. Superman rumors!

Wonder Woman is not an Amazon, but a woman from a ‘lost colony’ of Kryptonians established on Earth.

There is no Green Lantern Corps. The Green Lantern rings were created on Krypton; sentient, they continue to seek out Green Lanterns in the absence of their homeworld. The ‘Guardians of Oa’ are Kryptonian AIs like Jor-El.

The Flash no longer taps into the Speed Force. Instead, his father was a Kryptonian. As a half-breed, the only power Barry Allen has inherited is superspeed.

Hawkman is still an alien cop, but not a Thanagarian. Instead, he is a Kryptonian who happens to wear wings as a fashion statement.

Sgt. Rock is still a WW2 soldier. However, WW2 was started when Hitler picked up radio signals from General Zod, inspiring him to invade Poland.

Vixen can still assume the powers of various animals, but now it is because she is a Kryptonian and black female Kryptonians can do that.

Aquaman? Due to a typo, Krypton set up two colonies on Earth. One of them was underwater and thought the entire planet was ocean.

Black Canary is just a woman who knows martial arts. But she’s dating a Kryptonian.

Batman’s parents were not killed by Joe Chill, but when Kal-El’s ship crashed on them. 

"Dr. Evil, in your absence, we’ve acquired a cable channel known as Cartoon Network. By creating original programming that appeals to both boys and girls, we’ve reached a diverse audience that could make us trillions of dollars if we market to them effectively."

You know how some parents go trick-or-treating with their kids to make sure they’re safe. Well, tonight I saw a man dressed in a Tomar-Re costume from the Ryan Reynolds Green Lantern movie

He was riding a quad bike to keep watch over his brood as they hunted down candy. I watched him for a good twenty seconds.

Reader, it was better than the 2011 Green Lantern by far.

So you may not remember this, but soon after The Dark Knight and Superman Returns came out, Warner Brothers was working on a Justice League movie that would be separate from both those continuities, with a bunch of no-name and somewhat odd actors taking the lead roles (Santiago Cabrera would be Aquaman. You know… that guy). There were even rumors it would be motion-captured, like Beowulf. There were various reasons behind it falling through, but basically, people wanted to see Brandon Routh and Christian Bale on screen together, not D.J. Cotrona and Armie Hammer. But was the shutdown a loss or a blessing in disguise? Let’s read the script and find out.

 

We start off with Wonder Woman talking about “Justice. Truth. Peace” just to piss off everyone that still likes America (seriously, when will DC Comics get that it will always sound awkward to change Truth, Justice, and the American Way to anything else?). The Justice League—at least some of them—are attending a funeral in all-black costumes, which must make the merchandising people happy. “Buy Funeral Wonder Woman with Super-Grieving Action!”

 

The whole gang’s at this funeral except for Batman—WHERE COULD HE BE?—making this pretty much the most egregious schmuck bait ever. Say what you will about X-Men: The Last Stand, but at least they didn’t pretend they were ever going to kill off Hugh Jackman.

 

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khajidont:

My part of a GL art-trade with Roserayne! I think this is what you wanted, if not let me know and I can re-do it~ UvU;;

It just occurred to me—if you were a Green Lantern, you could have real-life Pokemon battles. ANY GREEN LANTERN NOT USING THEIR POWERS FOR REAL-LIFE POKEMON BATTLES IS NOW A LOSER!

Actual DC Comics canon.

Don’t worry, if the world does end on Friday, it’ll just start up again with Batman and Green Lantern exactly the same, everyone else wearing stupider costumes, and Wonder Woman’s mythology making less sense.

Oh, and Joe Biden probably won’t exist anymore because God’s favorite vice-president was Walter Mondale.

No one likes being compared to Hal Jordan.

You think Kyle ever just accidentally summons up a swarm of ukes to overwhelm his enemies? “Oh, Darkseid-san, be gentle!” “Darkseid-chan, you’re making me blush!”

Wally and Kyle are basically the Troy and Abed of the Justice League. “Flash and GL in comic book LIMMMMBO!”

Wally and Kyle are basically the Troy and Abed of the Justice League. “Flash and GL in comic book LIMMMMBO!”